A million thoughts at once...
It amazes me how easily my mind can shift, and how many different topics it can be on at the same time.
Here's a little insight into my head (for those of you who think "she pays more attention than she lets on"...no I really don't)
*50 shades of grey- this guy gets me hooked! i read it pretty much just because i love the way he adores her*hmm, wish my man adored me like the guy in the book*that's what makes it a book...it's not reality*i've got a good guy, he brought me taco bell*but he also seems to not care about me when i'm sick*butttt he brought me taco bell...*my house looks really pretty, but this one area could use some help...*stop spending money you're about to have a baby friday*hollyyyy crap i'm going to be in the worst pain of my whole life starting thursday night*i wish there was a rule where people couldn't put their hands up your vagina without permission*you're such a baby people do this all the time*my belly is suffocating me i miss being skinny*what if it takes forever to get skinny*what if my life never goes back to being as awesome as it was*...getting drunk and partying every night was pretty awesome, but wasn't I doing that so i could meet a potential soulmate so I could get married and have babies?*man, i was a bad christian...and i really should stop watching orange is the new black and reading 50 shades of grey...but they're sooo entertaining...****
SEE!? When i'm sitting at a table with a group of people and I tell you i don't listen in on people's conversations...I'm being 100% honest. I live in my own little world unless I force myself out of it. I thought that's what I was supposed to do. The black girls in beauty school would snap on a girl for getting in their convo's, and I stay out of convos and i get yelled at...I personally prefer the black girl way to the white girl way. White people are so nosy! Mind ya bizness.
Ok...so I'm gonna stay on one topic during this paragraph, and that is of course about mommyhood. I am petrified to give birth. The doctor told me yesterday that my pelvic (maybe it was pubic) bone is superrrr low. She basically told me my anatomy is jacked up...not even paraphrasing. With that being said, remember how I was complaining about the jaws of death the other day? They hurt so bad because I have pretty much no room for anything to go up there...or out of there. I'm having to come to terms with the fact that a c section is very possible...plus I'm getting induced so that's already upping my percentage of c section. The thought of being sliced open is extremely scary, and I know women do it all of the time...but pregnancy is no joke and people do that all of the time as well. Pleaseeee say a prayer for me before Thursday. I would love for him to just come when he's ready instead of getting induced, but i have no hope of that happening, and i'm not going to wait it out for weeks. My life is about to change forever, and I'm pretty freaked out, on top of everything else.
And I feel like a huge baby for being so worried about all of these things.
Like I said, prayers please.
<3
Here's a little insight into my head (for those of you who think "she pays more attention than she lets on"...no I really don't)
*50 shades of grey- this guy gets me hooked! i read it pretty much just because i love the way he adores her*hmm, wish my man adored me like the guy in the book*that's what makes it a book...it's not reality*i've got a good guy, he brought me taco bell*but he also seems to not care about me when i'm sick*butttt he brought me taco bell...*my house looks really pretty, but this one area could use some help...*stop spending money you're about to have a baby friday*hollyyyy crap i'm going to be in the worst pain of my whole life starting thursday night*i wish there was a rule where people couldn't put their hands up your vagina without permission*you're such a baby people do this all the time*my belly is suffocating me i miss being skinny*what if it takes forever to get skinny*what if my life never goes back to being as awesome as it was*...getting drunk and partying every night was pretty awesome, but wasn't I doing that so i could meet a potential soulmate so I could get married and have babies?*man, i was a bad christian...and i really should stop watching orange is the new black and reading 50 shades of grey...but they're sooo entertaining...****
SEE!? When i'm sitting at a table with a group of people and I tell you i don't listen in on people's conversations...I'm being 100% honest. I live in my own little world unless I force myself out of it. I thought that's what I was supposed to do. The black girls in beauty school would snap on a girl for getting in their convo's, and I stay out of convos and i get yelled at...I personally prefer the black girl way to the white girl way. White people are so nosy! Mind ya bizness.
Ok...so I'm gonna stay on one topic during this paragraph, and that is of course about mommyhood. I am petrified to give birth. The doctor told me yesterday that my pelvic (maybe it was pubic) bone is superrrr low. She basically told me my anatomy is jacked up...not even paraphrasing. With that being said, remember how I was complaining about the jaws of death the other day? They hurt so bad because I have pretty much no room for anything to go up there...or out of there. I'm having to come to terms with the fact that a c section is very possible...plus I'm getting induced so that's already upping my percentage of c section. The thought of being sliced open is extremely scary, and I know women do it all of the time...but pregnancy is no joke and people do that all of the time as well. Pleaseeee say a prayer for me before Thursday. I would love for him to just come when he's ready instead of getting induced, but i have no hope of that happening, and i'm not going to wait it out for weeks. My life is about to change forever, and I'm pretty freaked out, on top of everything else.
And I feel like a huge baby for being so worried about all of these things.
Like I said, prayers please.
<3
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