2024

 Ignoring my past blogs as they were probably 10 years ago…life has changed a lot. I’ve stopped going to social media to outpour my life as it has caused me to have a lack of privacy and has overflowed in to negative aspects of my life. I’m enjoying this path that I’m on tremendously. Cody and I first opened his chiropractic business a couple of years ago. We didn’t expect to thrive so well as it was a scary adventure - but the scary adventure has led us in to our dream home (unintentionally by fear of a crazy ex neighbor) , and now we have opened 2 more businesses. He runs his chiro office and I run our salon and our spa as well as run my own hair line company for extensions. 

The kids are turning 11,9, and 5 this year. Mandatory time with the kids has tapered off in to being purposeful with time as they don’t need as much attention as they have in the past. It’s so much more enjoyable to be honest. I miss their baby voices and snuggles , but this new journey is a blast. They are all turning in to some amazing people and are so loving, kind and smart.

I have been blessed with the most amazing husband also. Through hard times, I’ve realized my anxiety played such a huge role in my unrest. It makes me wonder- had I fixed my anxiety earlier, how much different my relationships would have been. I started on anxiety medicine a little over a year ago and my life has flourished as well as my relationships. I truly focus on my husband’s positive qualities instead of the negatives and I am left with nothing but admiration for him and appreciation for all he does. If I accomplish nothing else in this life, my children and my husband are a symbol of all of the self worth I could ever need. I have struggled with self worth and have needed so much validation in my life. Now that I am a multi business owner, have a successful wonderful marriage, and am raising great kids, I have a new voice inside of my self worth. It’s a voice that says “look around you, you are worthy. Even without acknowledgment. Even without the words you seek or at times need. You can give yourself those words”. I walk a little different now. I fear a little less now. I’m the strongest version of myself that I have ever been. I am so thankful for the past but I am also extremely embarrassed about my extremely outgoing anxiety that I put on display for the world to see 🫣. 

There are however still some things I struggle with that I need to put in to words on a more private forum- which is why I have come here to let it out. My boys dad and I, as well as my husband, have come so far. I went from hating him and blaming him for so many things, to forgiving and starting fresh. I chose to view him in a positive light as often as I could and focus on how he has grown, instead of living in the past hurt. I really am proud of his life changes, and I’m proud of the dad he is to our boys. He’s successful, loves them, and we coparent and view parenting the boys in such a similar way that it’s been amazing. Even Cody was able to open up his heart to forgiving the past and we all were able to move forward. 

I was in bed on Christmas Eve and I was scrolling through fb. I realized that the boys dad and I were no longer friends on fb. It broke my heart. I wondered what happened or what I did to deserve that. I know his fiance has an issue with our coparenting going so well. She thinks it’s suspicious and weird- like there’s something else going on. It’s caused a lot of strife. It’s caused hurtful words I never thought I’d hear him say again that brought me back to the verbal abuse in our marriage. Then the next day, he goes back to my kids dad, and my friend. I’m sad that what was such a beautiful recovery story has turned in to something ugly once again. I wish so badly for the peace to be back. I have been just trying to pray for her to change her heart…because I want him to be fulfilled and happy. Inside through , it breaks my heart as I love their dad and want to view him as positive as I can. He’s the only one who remembers raising those little babies with me- and for that I will always want to relish in those memories and share them with him. 

The next story that’s been on my heart is deep, long winded , and I have no time for it as I’m probably going to be late to work or even writing this. Time is a fun thing.