If we could wear our hearts on the outside.
Lately, I've been doing a lot of thinking. Being a mother of 2 young boys (one who refuses to sleep through the night and screams all night long) has been very tiring...exhausting even. Maybe it's the lack of sleep that has hit me, or maybe it's the pressures of other daily duties that combines with motherhood that has me worn. Do you know that even on mornings when I'm exhausted and haven't slept and have work that same day, I get myself out of bed, drink some coffee, and bring my boys to the gym? Why do I feel the need to do this, even while being exhausted? Is it because I need energy? Partially so. Is it because it's an escape? Yes, in a way. The biggest reason? I want to look a certain physical way. This is what I've been struggling with: a woman's need to constantly feel that she is enough.
Am I enough?
Will my husband still find me attractive if I don't lose more weight?
What if I stay the same way, is this good enough?
What about other people?
Will I be enough for them?
What about that woman over there who has the body I want...could I ever have that?
If I don't ever look like her, I will have failed myself.
I will have failed my husband.
I could be better.
Look at her, and her, and her, and her.
I am not enough.
Can any of you women identify with this mindset? I have a feeling I am not the only one. No, far from it. I see the pressures that the world has put not only on me, but I've seen it from loved ones very close to me. Girls I love so much, it breaks my heart. It keeps me up at night. Girls I love who feel not good enough, they're starving themselves to the point of missing their periods. Girls who feel not good enough, they're purging their meals and destroying their bodies. Girls who feel not good enough, they feel the need to constantly post pictures on social media to get some kind of reassurance that they are beautiful to someone. I can tell you exactly where this mindset comes from...and I'm asking for an open mind from the men around us.
The first time I decided to throw up, it was because a boy in high school that I liked didn't find me attractive. I was a little heavier than he preferred. Then there was the next guy who said the same thing. One thing lead to another and I had a 7 year battle with bulimia.
Someone close to me had a man in mind that she wanted to impress. She was heavy, and convinced herself to lose a ton of weight...even to an unhealthy point, and now the man is giving her the attention she always wanted.
It doesn't end there. Once you get to the point where you are finally thin enough, your chest will be too small, your butt will be too flat, and there will always be a woman out there who will have what you don't. There is no end in sight. Women constantly feel not good enough because of the men (and women) who look at us, judge us, and compare us to others.
I'm just trying to point out that I have never been in a relationship with a man where his personality didn't have a HUGE part to play in it. I just wish women were given the same chances. I'm tired of the eating disorders, the plastic surgeries, the need to take the perfect selfie. Men, I wish you could start to look at a woman for who SHE is, and not compare her to the women you see on tv and in magazines. Even as a married woman with children, I feel more pressure than ever to be a certain way. The closer I seem to get to the shape that I desire, the more pressure I receive to change other things about myself.
I wish it was more about who I am inside than who I am on the outside. I wish it was this way for other women. I'm hurting for the women I'm close to and care about who are struggling with the same things. It isn't right. Women are strong. We carry children, raise them, cook, clean, work...there is much more to us than our physical shapes and the perfection of our hair and makeup (this coming from someone who makes it her career).
What a world of difference it would make if what was in our hearts was on display for the world to see, instead of a temporary covering.
Am I enough?
Will my husband still find me attractive if I don't lose more weight?
What if I stay the same way, is this good enough?
What about other people?
Will I be enough for them?
What about that woman over there who has the body I want...could I ever have that?
If I don't ever look like her, I will have failed myself.
I will have failed my husband.
I could be better.
Look at her, and her, and her, and her.
I am not enough.
Can any of you women identify with this mindset? I have a feeling I am not the only one. No, far from it. I see the pressures that the world has put not only on me, but I've seen it from loved ones very close to me. Girls I love so much, it breaks my heart. It keeps me up at night. Girls I love who feel not good enough, they're starving themselves to the point of missing their periods. Girls who feel not good enough, they're purging their meals and destroying their bodies. Girls who feel not good enough, they feel the need to constantly post pictures on social media to get some kind of reassurance that they are beautiful to someone. I can tell you exactly where this mindset comes from...and I'm asking for an open mind from the men around us.
The first time I decided to throw up, it was because a boy in high school that I liked didn't find me attractive. I was a little heavier than he preferred. Then there was the next guy who said the same thing. One thing lead to another and I had a 7 year battle with bulimia.
Someone close to me had a man in mind that she wanted to impress. She was heavy, and convinced herself to lose a ton of weight...even to an unhealthy point, and now the man is giving her the attention she always wanted.
It doesn't end there. Once you get to the point where you are finally thin enough, your chest will be too small, your butt will be too flat, and there will always be a woman out there who will have what you don't. There is no end in sight. Women constantly feel not good enough because of the men (and women) who look at us, judge us, and compare us to others.
I'm just trying to point out that I have never been in a relationship with a man where his personality didn't have a HUGE part to play in it. I just wish women were given the same chances. I'm tired of the eating disorders, the plastic surgeries, the need to take the perfect selfie. Men, I wish you could start to look at a woman for who SHE is, and not compare her to the women you see on tv and in magazines. Even as a married woman with children, I feel more pressure than ever to be a certain way. The closer I seem to get to the shape that I desire, the more pressure I receive to change other things about myself.
I wish it was more about who I am inside than who I am on the outside. I wish it was this way for other women. I'm hurting for the women I'm close to and care about who are struggling with the same things. It isn't right. Women are strong. We carry children, raise them, cook, clean, work...there is much more to us than our physical shapes and the perfection of our hair and makeup (this coming from someone who makes it her career).
What a world of difference it would make if what was in our hearts was on display for the world to see, instead of a temporary covering.
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