A look at the past year, half empty, half full
As I sit here, I have a pit in my stomach that seems empty- the kind that almost feels like the stomach flu, the kind that makes you nauseous. Part of me wants to cry, out of sadness
As I sit here, I have an unspeakable joy- the kind that makes you feel full. Part of me wants to cry out of pure happiness.
I've been so blessed these past 10 months. I've enjoyed every single stage with Deacon, not for one minute wishing to see the next step, but just soaking in the present moments with him before he grows again. I learned with my little sister how fast time flies. I used to wish (when she was a baby) that she could walk. Now, time has passed so fast, and she is 12. I remember trying to rush the future with her, and now I cherish those moments when she was small. I made it a point to not rush a single moment with my son. Time goes too fast for that.
Time has gone too fast already. Tears are starting to form now.
As I think back, the first moment I saw him seems like a month ago. I remember when he couldn't smile, or communicate his feelings to me. Now, he beams at me all of the time. Tries to give me "high fives", show me that he's "so big" with his arms up high, beat on my chest and suck on my shoulder to tell me he's hungry, take his hat off when he's so totally over it, and there's nothing I can do to keep it on him anymore. Those moments of him sleeping on my stomach and not being able to wiggle off or complain are all over now. My experience with him as a newborn is over, and it went by much faster than I was prepared for it to.
With that said, I am so joyful to have such a wonderful little boy. He loves making us laugh. Just a week ago, a woman stopped me to smile at him and say "he's just the picture of health". I feel too blessed to put it into words. Thank you God for giving me a son with good health, with all of his fingers and toes, with the personality of his own unique funny, sweet, goofy self, with the arms that reach up and still ask for momma, with the mouth that now calls for momma and also gives sweet kisses.
Seeing your child grow beyond your control is the most helpless feeling I've ever experienced. Sometimes, when I feel strong enough to hold back the tears, I'll rock him and sing that Taylor Swift song "oh darlin, don't you ever grow up, don't you ever grow up, just stay this little". If only I could slow down time...
Well, I must learn to play along, even though it's against my will-starting with planning his first birthday party which is coming up in 2 months. Words escape me now, all I keep thinking is...
Dear Time:
You are not my friend.
Sincerely,
Beautician with the Baby
As I sit here, I have an unspeakable joy- the kind that makes you feel full. Part of me wants to cry out of pure happiness.
I've been so blessed these past 10 months. I've enjoyed every single stage with Deacon, not for one minute wishing to see the next step, but just soaking in the present moments with him before he grows again. I learned with my little sister how fast time flies. I used to wish (when she was a baby) that she could walk. Now, time has passed so fast, and she is 12. I remember trying to rush the future with her, and now I cherish those moments when she was small. I made it a point to not rush a single moment with my son. Time goes too fast for that.
Time has gone too fast already. Tears are starting to form now.
As I think back, the first moment I saw him seems like a month ago. I remember when he couldn't smile, or communicate his feelings to me. Now, he beams at me all of the time. Tries to give me "high fives", show me that he's "so big" with his arms up high, beat on my chest and suck on my shoulder to tell me he's hungry, take his hat off when he's so totally over it, and there's nothing I can do to keep it on him anymore. Those moments of him sleeping on my stomach and not being able to wiggle off or complain are all over now. My experience with him as a newborn is over, and it went by much faster than I was prepared for it to.
With that said, I am so joyful to have such a wonderful little boy. He loves making us laugh. Just a week ago, a woman stopped me to smile at him and say "he's just the picture of health". I feel too blessed to put it into words. Thank you God for giving me a son with good health, with all of his fingers and toes, with the personality of his own unique funny, sweet, goofy self, with the arms that reach up and still ask for momma, with the mouth that now calls for momma and also gives sweet kisses.
Seeing your child grow beyond your control is the most helpless feeling I've ever experienced. Sometimes, when I feel strong enough to hold back the tears, I'll rock him and sing that Taylor Swift song "oh darlin, don't you ever grow up, don't you ever grow up, just stay this little". If only I could slow down time...
Well, I must learn to play along, even though it's against my will-starting with planning his first birthday party which is coming up in 2 months. Words escape me now, all I keep thinking is...
Dear Time:
You are not my friend.
Sincerely,
Beautician with the Baby
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