Why being healthy is such a big deal to me

Some of my good friends and family have criticized me for how important eating right, working out, and being fit means to me.  I'm writing this post because I know I'm not the only one who has struggled with this. Growing up, I was always a heavy girl.  I don't mean "kinda chunky"...I couldn't fit into anything that girls my age wore, so I had to shop in the plus size section until I was about 13 years old.  I felt inferior to all of my friends who were tiny and struggled to understand why I was different from them.  Once high school started, I started to slim down.  I was in about a size 9.  I thought I was pretty and was happy to be thinner, until I kept finding out that boys weren't interested in me because I wasn't "skinny".  I had already lived my whole life being self conscious and feeling inferior to these "skinny" girls, that I decided to try one last resort.

I had been working out by myself since I was 13.  I didn't understand healthy eating.  A friend of mine told me that she heard of girls throwing up to make themselves skinny, so one day when I had enough of feeling low about myself, I tried it.  This became a struggle in my life all throughout highschool and off and on after.  I was 15 when I started and was fully immersed in bulimia until I was 19...and still struggled with it off and on up until my pregnancy.

I ended up getting in the shape I had always wanted to be in, but it wasn't through bulimia.  It took hard work and dedication not only in the gym but ESPECIALLY through healthy eating.  I became a vegetarian, ate only feta and greek yogurt for dairy, cut out all carbs, and even went to see a hollistic dr. who taught me how to eat completely clean and what foods to avoid.  I cheated here and there, but I was very dedicated and got down to a size 1/3.  I ONLY did this through hard work.  I ONLY overcame bulimia through caring about my health.  I have heard people say "you're obsessed with fitness and health, it's not "healthy" for you"...they have no idea how offensive it is when they criticize my hard work.  Without caring about my body, I get drug back down into a pit of unhappiness and it's a dangerous road for me.

I'm sure I shouldn't look at myself so negatively when I'm not being healthy, but in my head, if I know I'm not being the best I can be in ANY area, I can't live with that.  So, next time you want to criticize anyone for their "fit" lifestlye, maybe think first before you tear them down even more.  It's not a bad thing to care about, in fact, it's extremely good for your soul to teach yourself dedication and perserverence.

Now, my life isn't based on "I want to be a size one again".  My whole goal is overall health for my body AND mind.  I practice yoga more frequently, because it teaches me control over my mind and helps me relax.  I light candles and read books, because it calms my soul.  I eat fruit and veggies daily, because my body thanks me.  I run often and challenge myself outdoors and at the gym, because it makes me smile when I accomplish more each time.  I'm happy to say that I'm FINALLY completely out of that pit I was in.  I can contribute it to a change of mind before my pregnancy, but most of all I know that carrying a life inside of me changed my selfish side.  My son has saved me from a lot of things.  My priorities have all changed, and I just want to be a healthy mommy with a fit body and happy spirit for my little one.

So the next time the same people-who always criticize me- do it again, I'll continue to ignore it and nod with a smile on my face, because there's so much you don't know :)